February 24, 2010

Puns and Roses

I don’t blog much, because I rarely stop and smell the proverbial roses, I already know what roses smell like. Besides, I am not gay, a florist (redundant?), or a chick; and with my disgusting cigarette habit I wouldn’t have time to appreciate them.

I would probably enjoy feeling the thorns entrench themselves in my flesh to make me remember what it’s like to feel again. Hollywood has changed me, shocker I know, I was hoping to change this city. I am only one man (albeit I do a few characters).

I am tired of the favors, the fake smiles, fake hugs, and being friends with everyone. I don’t have to be everyone’s friend, they certainly aren’t gonna be mine. In fact I took this to the cyber level, when I decided to stop accepting friend requests from random people on facebook. (I know bold move, right?)

People are so afraid of telling dickheads that they are dickheads, especially in this entertainment industry. I don’t offer unsolicited advice, but if people genuinely want my advice I’ll praise or *offer ways to improve*

I am just sick of people that are afraid of conflict. I am not saying life should be a scene from Oz, but if you are doing something asinine retarded, a good person will break the bullshit aura of decorum and call you out on that.

It happened to me, I went on stage at a bar show a few weeks ago *drunk*, and not a beer too many, but wasted. My set blew, the crowd felt uncomfortable, and I felt worse. I ended my set short because I didn’t forsee a big finish, and I didn’t want to suck any more air out of the room.

Afterwards I was told I was an idiot, I’m funnier than that, I made a stupid choice, and there are a 1000 comics in my position in LA that wanted the spot I was in.

I appreciated the dress-down. It was coming from a good place and it was definitely warranted. I f I didn’t want to hear it, I should have had my shit together.

I didn’t hold my head down, but felt really good I got that ass-chewing, probably just because in mid-chew, he said I was funny.

February 11, 2010

I'm not a playa Haiti-er

I just don't see why all of a sudden people realize they were supposed to give a shit??!?!? Oh Well Two and a Half Men got picked up for another season, and that's what Americans are really concerned with.

I wrote this joke on the way to the set, and this was the first time I had used it on stage. The delivery stinks, but I am sure you get my drift.

I rode with another comic to this gig. We were talking about our love for live performances. Although we both know that TV and film is where the money is at. The talk inspired me to up with my new favorite term for doing a good set in front of a good crowd...Microwave Happiness. I'll use that term more often.