This post is gay

I truly don't give a shit about some of the gay issues in the media these days. I am in fact patting myself on the back, because I no longer have cable TV so I don't watch the slop that passes for news. One of the things I hear about ALL the time are the gay issues.



I don't know if this was part of the all out blitz by the Republican party to take back the Congress. To me, It's a mysteriously polarizing issues. I work with many gays, through my dayjob and in comedy. Chances are they don't want to fuck you.



Walking through life being afraid of people is not attractive to anyone. Granted in a prison situation, yes raping the homophobe may be attractive, but I personally won't end up there until Los Angeles makes parking tickets a criminal offense, in lieu of a way just to fuck with the general populace.














I don't consider bullying of gays a problem. I consider bullying of anyone to be a problem. Yes, It's unfortunate that people feel the need to section off and go for the weak. Yet animals do it all the time.



And yeah some of the weaker psycholgicaly people will take the lead sandwich, chances are they were just looking for a reason to do it. People are assholes, and teenagers show little restraint. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and NBA'ers bang blondes. I wish it wasn't true, but let's not polarize and just protect gays from the failures at life. Let's work on society.

Gay Marriage, I don't give a shit. I don't plan on getting married. nor am I gay.

It's like NHL highlights during Sportscenter. I am not Candian, I don't ice skate. All you are doing is interrupting any chance I could have to watch Oklahoma State football highlights.

I think gays should be treated just like everyone else. let them do the will stuff, the insurance stuff, and let them be as lame as all the married straight couples I know. If someone is adament about stopping gay marriage, here is the best you can do....Don't marry a gay person.

I do chuckle about gay adoption. I ruined a pair of pants one time when I heard a newscaster say, Gays rearing children.....yes I'm 12.

Gays in the military is a hot topic for republicans. If they were as fiscally responsible as they claim to be, and not into policing the world. Our soldier supply wouldn't be in such a dire need.

I think Don't ask, don't tell was righ for the 90s , and showed that homophobes can serve alongside gays. However, now that the cat (or cock...heh) is out of the bag, per se. We should treat these cats that serve our nation just like anyone else.

I am surprised that so many of them are OK with being dressed alike though. (yeah that was kind of a weak one)

Last at comedy store openmic = highest creditscore in Wu tang clan

Just cut a guy off in traffic because I didn't like theway his car looked, ill admit it

Its only cool to hear kareoke from 80s songs

Singing along to "I just wanna just be your lover girl" at the west hollywood 7-11...not advised on a Saturday night

John McCain has been vocal in his opposition about Arizona Immigration bill...

... so loudly the Asst. Manager asked him to leave the Denny's

Having a bad day the other day, but saw a guy in traffic sticking an inflatable doll and waving. I smiled until realizing no time to take a pic.. .back to gloom

I swear to goodness

I will start blogging more often, not these epic paragraph after paragraph posts of before. but a little more often.

I hate LA, Don't get your hopes up , normal world. I am perfectly capable of being miserable anywhere. I would just rather be miserable somewhere I can afford my rent.

Some things I want to do in the future:

Learn Photoshop,
Get a better job, that will allow me flexibility
Drop some weight
Get back up in front of the mic.
Stay not smoking!

Puns and Roses

I don’t blog much, because I rarely stop and smell the proverbial roses, I already know what roses smell like. Besides, I am not gay, a florist (redundant?), or a chick; and with my disgusting cigarette habit I wouldn’t have time to appreciate them.



I would probably enjoy feeling the thorns entrench themselves in my flesh to make me remember what it’s like to feel again. Hollywood has changed me, shocker I know, I was hoping to change this city. I am only one man (albeit I do a few characters).


I am tired of the favors, the fake smiles, fake hugs, and being friends with everyone. I don’t have to be everyone’s friend, they certainly aren’t gonna be mine. In fact I took this to the cyber level, when I decided to stop accepting friend requests from random people on facebook. (I know bold move, right?)


People are so afraid of telling dickheads that they are dickheads, especially in this entertainment industry. I don’t offer unsolicited advice, but if people genuinely want my advice I’ll praise or *offer ways to improve*


I am just sick of people that are afraid of conflict. I am not saying life should be a scene from Oz, but if you are doing something asinine retarded, a good person will break the bullshit aura of decorum and call you out on that.

It happened to me, I went on stage at a bar show a few weeks ago *drunk*, and not a beer too many, but wasted. My set blew, the crowd felt uncomfortable, and I felt worse. I ended my set short because I didn’t forsee a big finish, and I didn’t want to suck any more air out of the room.



Afterwards I was told I was an idiot, I’m funnier than that, I made a stupid choice, and there are a 1000 comics in my position in LA that wanted the spot I was in.


I appreciated the dress-down. It was coming from a good place and it was definitely warranted. I f I didn’t want to hear it, I should have had my shit together.


I didn’t hold my head down, but felt really good I got that ass-chewing, probably just because in mid-chew, he said I was funny.

I'm not a playa Haiti-er

I just don't see why all of a sudden people realize they were supposed to give a shit??!?!? Oh Well Two and a Half Men got picked up for another season, and that's what Americans are really concerned with.

I wrote this joke on the way to the set, and this was the first time I had used it on stage. The delivery stinks, but I am sure you get my drift.

I rode with another comic to this gig. We were talking about our love for live performances. Although we both know that TV and film is where the money is at. The talk inspired me to up with my new favorite term for doing a good set in front of a good crowd...Microwave Happiness. I'll use that term more often.

Not Closing Doors, Not Waiting on Porches Either

Shit has been cool.

I've been dealt two hits of bad news, but it is rolling right off my back. I jknow it sounds gay as hell but it's like that TI/Rihanna song, "Got no time for no haters; 'cause I'm a paper chaser"


I won't get into the specifics, but if the first person I am willing to open my heart to in 13 years disses me (twice), I should be sad. I'm not. I'm disapointed, but I will be more than happy to keep the razors in the medicine cabinet.



Secondly, a club I helped open, poured my heart and soul into; got them so much credibility with comics in Los Angeles gives me "the Conan O'Brien", and expects me to roll with it. No Thanks. I appreciate the opportunities. But, I wasn't going to screw my friends out of stuff.




Basicly there are other women in LA, and there are other clubs in LA. I am not saying both will fail without me. But given past histories, I think my truly good heart would help either situation.

But I have a mother Theresa side that comes to the aid of entities that need it.

I realized it when I did a strong set in a club that wasn't home turf. In fact it was one I bombed at before. I am pretty good now I guess.

As far as femmes. Fuck 'em. I don't need one, but if one is around that has their head on, and the chemistry is right. I am open to anything.