Thriving under the Influence

Alot of people ask me who my influences are, and it's one of those questions, that I can't answer in a sentence or even multiple paragraphs.

My parents were very good about exposing me to comedy at an early age, and helped wet my pallete. I believe my first exposure ws early Saturdy Night Live, Weird Al Yankovic videos, and records of Bill Cosby and George Carlin.

I remember the first live comedy show I ever saw was George Carlin at the Brady Theater in Downtown Tulsa. It's a historic venue, and I one day hope to grace the stage there. I also saw Weird Al Yankovic there too. He has a hard dick for Tulsa, he shot UHF there. A hilarious flick, which featured Victoria Jackson and a pre-Seinfeld Micheal Richards.













I started out with Weird Al, Cosby, and Carlin, all guys I aspire to be compared to. I'll just rattle off the rest of my influences:



Chris Rock, Bring the Pain changed my life.
Doug Stanhope, his bit about anti-depressents and OCD saved my life.
Dave Chapelle,
Norm MacDonald,
The guys from Tough Crowd: Jim Norton, Nick DiPaolo, and Patrice O'Neal
Maijia DiGiorgio,
Rick Shapiro,
Jim Gaffigan,
Joe Rogan,
Tom Green,
Ron White,
Craig Robinson,
and Phil Hendrie, the funniest man on radio, ever.



I've also been motivated by guys/gals I do or see shows with here in LA.
I love making a room full of people laugh, but when I get one of these guys to just grin, I get that funny felling in my heart. It's that endorphin that makes chasing that dream one step closer to reality.

Gene George,
Jason LaCour,
Charlyne Yi,
Evaldo Garcia (Canibal),
Dan Bialek,
TJ Miller,
Angelo Bowers,
Chris Putro,
Chuck Bartell,
Josh Adam Meyers,
Mustafa Ahmad,
Thai Rivera,
Jay Dee,
Lizzy Cooperman,
Jamar Neighbors,
and
Mack Lindsay.

Not all of these guys/gals are my friends in real life, but they are guys/gals who consistently kill me, and I wanted to share a little of what makes me tick.

Neither of these lists are exclusive and always fluctuating, but I just wanted to let you know some of the cats I respect, and I hope you follow their careers, as well as mine.

My road trip to success would be boring if I was the only one in the car.

Just an idea...be proud of your work.

If you are a comic, and you have been grinding on open mics and bar room shows for months on end, and someone finally books you on a show. Perhaps, promote it, invite people, to see what you have been working on for months, years, decades.

I've been doing this for a while, and I am pretty good at it, but I have yet to make a chair laugh. If you can, you didn't, but I would like to meet your pharmacist.

Especially when it is a FREE show. If you can't inspire people to turn off some shitty TV show like, "Two and a Half Men" and get off their fat American asses to come watch you do something original. You either A) know you suck, B) aren't original.



I know the whole, "I'm an artist issue," I get,Honestly I do. I tell dick jokes too. I realize that comics in LA are a commodity, just like 99 cent stores, tranny prostitutes and taco trucks. There is a fine line between good and bad, and no one cares if you get on stage again, unless YOU do.

Here's another idea, tell people a few days/week BEFORE the show. Not the day of.

People have significant others, childcare issues, stuff they want to DVR, and the like. Don't wait to the last second to invite people to see something you SHOULD be proud of.

There are a 1000 comics in LA that want/need stage time, and if you aren't proud enough to invite your friends...well fuck you. Posting something on facebook is great, but printing up fliers, and giving them to your coworkers, neighbors, family, the cute chick/cat at Starbucks, drycleaner, classmate, rapist, poker buddies, maid, tranny prostitute.

If the only people you know are other comics, then you are lying and/or are a failure at life.

Effort is all that is asked. I can't expect you to tell jokes when I doubt you wipe your own ass.

Chairs don't laugh, don't buy drinks, and clubs close when people don't try.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Go Raiders, Go OState

A Real Cowboy, Keith Toston....

I don't get into heroworship when it comes to athletes, but I will make an exception. Luckily, this guy went to my alma mater, Oklahoma State University.

Keith Toston has been the Epitome of COWBOY UP!

He came in with alot of hype, got some early PT, but fell behind in the depth chart to Dantrell Savage and Kendall Hunter.

What did he do? He kept Grinding, and Grinding and Grinding....

He didn't pout, he didn't transfer, he didn't become a cancer.

We are 8-2, and 5-1 in the Big 12, and a MAJOR EFFING REASON is Keith Toston, we relied on our 2nd string tailback to carry us through games and get us wins against Tech, Iowa State, Baylor, and Mizzou.

If we had 50 Keith Tostons on the roster, we would be an unstoppable team. We would also have too many running backs on the roster.

Cowboy up

EVERYONE Knows Adam Vinatieri is the best kicker in the league

...off the Colts, formerly of the New England Patriots.

He has won Super Bowls with clutch kicks.

He wins 1-2 games a year for the Colts.

He hits 90% of his field goals.

He doesn't go around talking about how good he is on Saturday Nights.

He doesn't need to kick small animals to prove how good he is. He gets respect for his performance on Sundays.

He never looks like he is threatened by other kickers. He does his job, and knows how good he is.

The guy he replaced, Mike Vanderjagt, always ran his mouth, he's out of the league these days.



Enjoy this week's games.

Perfectly Capable of Butcherinng This Up at Any Time

I have gotten funnier. Every comic says it, but that is just because alot of comics are egotistical bastards and scumbag salesmen. I've got a home club, and getting on at other joints around LA. Which is kind of cool, yet kind of weird. I can attribute to getting comfortable, and knowing I have future gigs.

I am not an LA guy, I always thought I was, but I was way off. If I ever get popular in Los Angeles, either shoot me or everyone in this city. I am hoping you choose the latter, I would probably like this place without all the traffic and parking hassles.

I am looking for a few more road dates, so if you are a club owner, and are mildly amused, holla....

This blog should have been more entertaining, alas it isn't.

Things are going well, but as I told the owner of the club I work at, I am perfectly capable of butchering this at any time.

Fuck LA, yet I am a Dodger fan....

Hitting Women is too Easy

So yeah, I played the hero last night, it felt good to know I did the right thing, but dissatisfied with the reult.

I was hanging at a comedy show in the shady part of Theater Row in Hollywood. It's a part of town with still wet Latinos and 6 foot tall black tranny whores. This is not the Bed, Bath, and Beyond crowd.

About 11PM, someone points out a couple that we couldn't tell if they were fighting or plowing each others fruitful loins against a sedan in the shadows on the side of the street. I assumed it was a couple being playful, but had a weird feeling. I grabbed some of the comics who were outside to go with me

(This is where i will interrupt the building intruige in the story to tell you my amazement that comics actually put their cigarettes out, stopped texting/twittering, and trying to get booked on someone else's show to be altruistic, albeut for 30 seconds.)

We surround the guy Mr. Smith Matrix style. I made the verbal and eye contact. I felt strong, I felt mighty. I saw a look of damsel in distress in her eyes. In his eyes, I saw a combination of many Tecates and an appalling annoyance at the interruption in his family's tradition of female coercian as if I was masturbating during a briss.

We seperate the guyfrom his lipstick covered punching bag. He starts taking swings at the fellas and we wrestle him to the ground in a non UFC way, and sepeate him from victim.

As soon as the whole gang came togather like Voltron, Ike Turner let go of his chick, and I asked her if she wanted to come across the street and call a cab and get home safe.

She looked at us like we were insane. It is surreal when an epiphany hits someone in the face, and they clench their eyes tighter. Because, change is an unknown, and misery has that familliar flavor of Bazooka Joe (at first better than no gum, then quickly remembering that the recycled joke from the fifties on wax paper is more entertaining.)

Chris Brown goes into crying mariachi mode, and it was delightful to see. He realized he had been an asshole, and his lady may be mooking for a different guy's name to tattoo on her neck.

And then the unthinkable, this lovestruck down syndrome patient turns goes back just to talk. We all shrug, turn around and plan our next Rihanna joke about the incident.

15 minutes later more banging on the same side of the same car. Spanish yelling and then the car takes off with Mike Tyson laying a patch of rubber longer than a list of Justin Bieber accomplishments.

I have never wished for a woman to be abused/beaten/humiliated. But as a joketeller, I always carry a desire for a great ironic end to every story.

The Unknown Theater has since closed, and it was a favorite hangout of mine. Got to meet alot of cool people, and do my thing there.

To all the Girls I've Loved Before.....

To all the comics that email me and ask about Dame Funny , talk to me in person either at my show or another show I am at (AFTER I GO UP), I do not want to be a cyber booker. If I don't know you, I DON'T KNOW YOU.

If you like tell me where you are performing, invite me, and then we'll see. I'm not saying "No", I'm saying, "let me learn how to do this thing first." I've had 2 shows and 200 inquires.



Right now I am sticking with my "Dames" I know and trust.

Here is my regular rotation of places I am at....(subject to change at any time)

Sunday- Store, then Unknown
Monday- Lovitz
Tuesday- Amsterdam, Michael's
Wednesday- Pig N Whistle
Thursday- Comic Bug
Friday- UCB Theater, Sunset Grill
Saturday- I watch football

if you don't know where these places are, google is your friend.

If you really like me, get me a pack of cigarettes. Also, promise me you will invite all your girlfriends who show pisspoor judgement when it comes to men.